To Become Myself Preached on February 25th, 2018 At Wollaston Congregational Church Scripture: Mark 8:31-38 The Messianic secret is out. Until this stage in the gospel of Mark, Jesus’ identity – Jesus’ true selfhood – has been kept a secret. Up until now, the disciples have been accompanying Jesus about the countryside, watching him teach and heal. The blind have had their sight restored, the crowds have been fed to bursting with a few loaves and fishes. It’s been exhilarating, riding on the heels of this super star preacher. Peter and the gang can hardly wait to see what it going to happen next. Finally Jesus asks in a private conversation “who do you say that I am?” And scarcely able to breathe, he has been holding onto this hope for so long, Peter blurts out “You are the Messiah.” But the 12 are warned not to tell anyone. The passage we read today follows on immediately after this revelation. But in my mind, I imagine a dramatic pause. This is a cliff-hanger for the disciples, as they bed down for the night, on the outskirts of the Roman city, Caesarea Philippi. The traditional expectations for the Messiah include Kingship, power, might and victory. Looking down on the city, perhaps Peter’s mind plays with images of overthrowing the occupation, led by the newly revealed Messiah. But, this is not to be. The stark reality of Jesus’ identity becomes apparent as the story continues. Now the secret is out, Jesus begins to talk openly. The Son of Man, as Jesus calls himself, must undergo great suffering, be rejected by the religious authorities and be killed. No! This is not Peter’s vision for the mission. This cannot happen. He will not let Jesus do this to himself. Peter actually takes Jesus on one side and rebukes him. There is a harsh exchange of words, as Jesus rebukes Peter, saying “get behind me Satan!” Peter’s resistance to Jesus’ suffering and death puts him in league with the tempter. Jesus is going to have no part of this. Now Jesus follows with some sobering teaching. Whoever wants to be a follower must take up their cross. Those who call themselves Christian must lose their lives for the sake of the Gospel. There is not much time to spare. Rumors are traveling through the countryside to Jerusalem, telling of Jesus’ activities and popularity. Rome is beginning to suspect insurrection. Soon it will be time to take his place on the cross. In spite of Peter’s objections, Jesus knows who he is, he knows whose he is, and so he knows what he must do. But what about Peter and the others, and what about us? How can we know who we are, so that we will also know what we must do? One of the most common interpretations of this teaching is that Jesus means that we are to neglect our own selves in order to follow him. For many years, this was my understanding of this teaching. My desire was to be a follower of Jesus. I’d tried to take this to its logical conclusion and sacrifice my own goals for those of others. During my first year in college I did well academically. I devoted a lot of time and energy to my homework, as all engineering students need to do. My friends were made through the Christian organization on campus and also through the church I attended. Going into my second year in college, though, I found lodgings with Bill and Sarah, a local couple who lived near campus. They did not need the income from renting their spare bedroom. Their motivation for taking in a student was to provide company for Sarah who spent her days in the confines of the home. She did not drive. Her only outings were with Bill on weekend. She was terribly lonely. It turned out that this young woman was dealing with a number of debilitating physical and psychological illnesses, including agoraphobia. Bill had taken to spending evenings in the local pub, and so Sarah and I often watched TV together. As I learned more about Sarah’s suffering I was determined to do something about it. Never mind that I was supposed to be studying for a degree, surely this was more important. At the same time, I had become fascinated by the claims of the charismatic revival at that time in Christian circles. I had begun visiting churches in the area where the Spirit was said to be at work. When I learned about the miraculous healings in these places, my “Messiah complex” kicked in. Surely I could save Sarah from her suffering by getting her to one of these churches. Letting my grades suffer was my sacrifice for what I hoped would be the saving of Sarah. I don’t need to tell you that the plan did not work out. Sarah was a grown woman with a mind of her own. The hopes I had to get her to a charismatic worship service didn’t happen. I had already given what she needed from me, simple companionship. But my preoccupations had taken me away from my homework and my grades did suffer. My advisor was puzzled by my explanation that I had been over-involved in church and my landlord’s health. “Hmm, well we didn’t think you were the type to be out partying too much. But time to get back on track don’t you think?” he said. In the book “Let Your Life Speak”, Parker Palmer talks about “listening for the voice of vocation.” [1] Palmer rejects the church’s traditional idea of vocation “as a deep distrust of selfhood … the belief that the sinful self will always be ‘selfish’ unless corrected by external forces of virtue.” As a young man, this notion made him feel inadequate, but over his lifetime he has come to see vocation as a “gift to be received”, rather “a voice from out there.” Vocation is the acceptance of the treasure of true self. Could this be what Jesus means when he says we are to deny ourselves and take up our cross to follow him? At first look, there may seem to be a conflict between what Jesus taught and what Palmer writes. But, I think this is because the word “self” is being used for two different meanings. In the human psyche there are two selves. The lower case “s” self is the ego-centered go-it-alone self. This self is greedy for what it can get. It tries to live either independently of others or co-dependently on others. It either denies the human need for relationship or lives parasitically off of others and their needs. This self can masquerade as virtue. It loves to be thought of as sacrificial. This self loves taking upon the struggles of others and speaking in the other’s voice. It is Peter’s lower case ‘s’ self that rebukes Jesus for talking of suffering and death. Peter’s self wants to be in control, to have the victory of his messianic expectations. Uppercase “S” Self, on the other hand, is the true and God-created self. This Self emerges as a person matures in a healthy way. It is a discovered Self that seeks out healthy, interdependent relationships with God and others. It does not need to struggle to separate, or feed off another’s resources. The mystic, Thomas Merton called this Self the “true self”, Palmer writes. It is known as the “image of God” in the scriptures, Quakers refer to the “inner light” and humanists describe it as identity or integrity. Jesus was clear about his identity as the Messiah, as has just been revealed. But now, he turns to the disciples, and Peter in particular, to take on their given identity. Peter will be forced to give up on his expectations of Messiah, but then he will need to learn who he really is. His vocation is not to talk Jesus out of his suffering. His vocation will be to grow into himself so that he will become a leader and teacher when Jesus is gone. Do you remember watching your child, or grandchild, niece or nephew discover their gifts? Perhaps they loved to help you mix the batter for a cake, or make dramatic brush strokes across the paper as they painted. Perhaps they loved to help with “gardening”, stirring mud and pulling out shoots whether or not they are weeds. Or perhaps they liked to make beds and houses for their toys, or pound on the piano or the drum. What did your emerging self look like when you were a child? Did you live into that Self, and with it your vocation? Or do you feel that you were pushed and molded into what others expected from you? It’s never too late to discover vocation, and live more fully into the identity God created. In fact I would say that it is possible to continue growing into our authentic selves and discovering treasured gifts our whole life long. Palmer writes of Rosa Parks, who decided to honor her authentic self by sitting in the front of the bus one day. It’s said that when asked why she did it, she replied “I sat down because I was tired.” She was tired of playing by racist rules. Today we also heard the story of Fannie Lou Hamer and her famous proclamation that she was “sick and tired of being sick and tired.” Fannie Lou Hamer’s vocation also grew out of a need to honor her God-created self. We may not have vocations that will become as notable as Rosa Parks’ or Fannie Lou Hamer’s, but we are all required to honor our God created selves. Parker Palmer describes a long a painful pilgrimage toward discovering his own true self, and in that discovery find his true vocation. For some, the road may be smoother, but as Palmer has written, our failure and mistakes can tell us as much as our supposed successes. In my own journey, I needed to complete my engineering degree and continue for many years in that same field, on my journey to rediscovering my true self. I left my lodgings with Sarah and Bill, and I was sad that Sarah did not keep up correspondence for very long. It was a relationship that I had to let go. I couldn’t save it. Peter cannot save Jesus, instead it is Jesus who saves Peter, and us all of course. We cannot tell Jesus, or anyone else, who they ought to be. But, if we are ready to lay down our expectations at the foot of the cross, we might well discover who we truly are. May all God people say, Amen [1] Parker J. Palmer, “Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation”, (San Francisco, Jossey-Bass books, 2000)
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