The School of Love: Our First Lesson Scripture: Matthew 18:15-20 Today, we’re here again, back from summer, and perhaps like me, you are waiting with baited breath to see what God has to say to us today. Our land and our world have been assaulted by two (and possibly three) devastating storms in such rapid succession. The strongest earthquake in a century just hit Mexico. Wildfires ravage western states. Will our message concern a compassionate response to these disasters? To be honest, I think all we can do right now is pray, and then respond as generously as we can. Meanwhile our government is locked in debate over who is welcome and who is not in the United States. Will our message concern our faith tradition’s call to hospitality to strangers? Are we being challenged to reconcile that call with the need for allocation of resources the needs of poor Americans? And what about the international instability particularly concerning the Koreas? Will be asking how we will speak, pray and act in the face of another war? And, so you may be a little disappointed to learn that today’s sermon will not be tackling any of these big questions. Instead the focus is simply a practical lesson in love: How to handle situations when a member of the church or the community commits an offense against us. I think this is a great starting point for us this year. We will continue for the next few weeks, listening to what Jesus says about how we relate to one another in our community. After all, our relationships here are the building blocks for how we will act in the world. If we are to make wise decisions about our responses to the big matters, we need to begin by establishing healthy communications amongst ourselves. In a few weeks I plan to begin a group study of the book “The Great Spiritual Migration” by Brian McLaren. This book makes the case that the Christian faith is not dying as some would say. Instead Christianity is making a dramatic spiritual shift. McLaren takes a hopeful tone, inviting Churches and individual Christians to live into this great spiritual migration. He envisions a shift from the church as a system of beliefs to a way of life that is the way of love. Brian McLaren says he is often asked “What will the Church of the Future Look Like?” His response it this: “What I believe can and should happen is that tens of thousands of congregations will become what I call ‘schools’ or ‘studios’ of love. … What I care about is whether they are teaching people to live a life of love, from the heart, for God, for all people (no exceptions), and for all creation … These churches would aim to take people of every age and ability level and help them become the most loving version of themselves possible.” [1] I believe that if we are going to live into this vision of becoming a school or studio of love, helping people become the most loving version of themselves, we can begin with the simple lesson of Jesus that we heard today. The gospel passage we read today is Matthew’s version of Jesus explanation of the parable of the lost sheep. It’s story of the shepherd, who having 100 sheep and losing one, leaves the 99 to search out the lost one. Once the shepherd has found the lost sheep, he brings it home rejoicing. The parable closes by saying “so it is not the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost …” Then Matthew tells of Jesus teaching about what to do when a member of the church, sins or offends against “you” the listener. “If a member of the church offends you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone…” Really? Is this the loving Christian thing to do? What happened to “let it go” or “love takes no offense”? Let’s note that this advice does not concern making judgments about others and the way they live their lives. It is specifically relates to the way that another’s talk or behavior directly impacts ourselves. If I am “offended” by the hairstyle or the choice of partner of a member of the church, that is not my concern. I’d better keep my opinion to myself. This passage concerns genuinely hurt feelings, or even hurt bodies. It allows for something very important: members of a community need to give and receive feedback at times. The Church is a great experiment in community. Ideally we are a gathering of diverse peoples, from different backgrounds:
The one thing that binds us is a desire to learn how to become our most loving selves, following our teacher, Jesus. This is a vision of the church as a school of love has not yet been achieved. But in our passage today Jesus is giving some teaching on how to move toward it. Of course, as Jesus spoke to the first disciples the church did not exist. Some translations tell of speaking to a brother (or sister) about an offense. Others translations talk of a member of the community or synagogue. This passage refers to both our relationships inside and outside church. As we approach this question of communication, perhaps like me, you feel disadvantaged because you did not grow up in an environment where feelings and needs were honored. Perhaps, like me, authority figures used shame and judgment as methods of correction. Add to that the dynamics of the “popular” versus nerdy groups in middle and high school. Add the neighborhood bullies and underdogs. Few of us have learned the best way to talk with others about the way they have hurt us or we have hurt them. One way we often manage our negative feelings is to keep our mouths shut. That may keep us out of trouble, but that will not get us very far toward building loving relationships. But we can dare to reach out and build relationships. We know that we will not manage perfectly, but we can hope for gifts of grace and gentle correction from others when we mess up. I have the perfect example to share with you. A few years ago, a church member gave me a gift of grace when I offended him. It was during a workshop I was leading. I invited participants to dig deep and share some of their passions. Then, when this friend of mine, Ed, responded … well, there’s not other way to say it … I teased and belittled his response. I was going for a cheap laugh. Ed waited until the end of the workshop, but then he took me on one side. “You know, Liz, I was stunned by what you said about my input,” he said. I could see I had really hurt Ed’s feelings and I felt awful. But I was so grateful he had given me the opportunity to make it right and I apologized right away. The next day, without naming names, I shared my confession in worship and asked for forgiveness. When someone we have offended does not reach out to suggest a change in behavior we may well feel a little like a lost sheep. We know that the remark we made did not sit well. We want to apologize, but wonder if it passed unnoticed, perhaps it is better left alone. When we have been hurt and we have the courage to give feedback, we are not only honoring ourselves, we are inviting the person we confront to become the most loving version of themselves. According to Matthew’s account, Jesus recommends that this is done first one-on-one. The offender is not shamed or shutdown, but invited to open and grow into who God is calling them to be. This takes courage on the part of the offended one. But it’s important to be careful to guard our own safety. If you are ready to talk with someone, in the church or outside, know that I am available to talk with you confidentially about the best way approach. If you fear for the reaction of the one you need to talk to, talk to me. We can arrange for a mutual meeting, in a safe setting. In some cases, we may well conclude that it is unsafe to approach the person, and that it is better to simply pray for their lost-ness at that time. We’d do well to remember that Jesus also touches on this important reality. Not everyone will be open to feedback and correction. Having gone through the recommended procedure, a “lost sheep” may still be defiant, and unbending. It is not worth risking the integrity of the community by keeping this member in the fold. It is better to let this person go, than to risk the safety of other church members. A few years ago I worked with a city church that had a ministry of welcoming people from all walks of life. This included many un-housed persons. Some were people recovering from addictions and not always staying substance fee, and some people who had been convicted of crimes. Needless to say, some of these people fell into behaviors that could have been threatening to others in the church. In spite, or perhaps because of, the church’s extravagant welcome, they kept a short list of people who were barred from the premises. Restraining orders were in place and greeters were to call the police if any of these people showed up. Although these lost sheep were not allowed physical presence in the church, I can assure you that they remained in the daily and weekly prayers of the congregation. And so, as we begin this “new year” we have had our first lesson in the school of love. It will take courage to practice what we have learned: the courage to become vulnerable toward one another, and ultimately toward the world outside. But, Jesus promises in this text, to be among us as we gather, even two or three of us, to practice his teaching. Here is an excerpt from a reflection on this lesson by Steven Garnaas Holmes, shared in his daily prayer blog “Unfolding Light:” “If someone hurts you, go toward them, not away, and name the hurt. Neither hide nor retaliate, even politely: simply, gently tell the truth. Claim your part of it, even if just to receive it, and to give them access to their part of it. Not to nail them, not to relieve yourself, but because you love them … In the dark places where our hurts lie is the tomb from which Christ rises, alive, the very Christ who, wherever two or three are gathered in his love, is among us.” [2] May it be so. Amen. [1] Brian D. McLaren, The Great Spiritual Migration: How the World's Largest Religion is Seeking a Better Way to Be Christian, (Crown Publishing Group, New York, 2016) [2] https://www.unfoldinglight.net/reflections/gz9p8d6mnj4pw678htb8ljkat442gw accessed on 9/10/17
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