Gratitude in the Midst of Tenderness Preached for Wollaston Congregational Church On October 18th, 2020 Scripture: 1 Thessalonians 5:16-24 “Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice!” I would sing this chorus with gusto in my church youth group, our young voices raised to meet the high soprano line, never imagining a day we’d sing it with a break in our voices. This chorus is a direct quotation from the letter written by the Apostle Paul to the Thessalonian church. Paul exhorts or invites the congregation to “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” “Give thanks in all circumstance, rejoice always, pray without ceasing …” is great advice, for living a happy life. When things are going well, all your ducks are in a row, and life is good, why not be grateful? That is, it is good advice until, well, you can’t. Of course gratitude as a spiritual practice, a component of spiritual health, is not only for the good times. It is not only for the sunny days, when we are brimming with youthful energy, full of optimism for a bright future. True gratitude is one of the most important qualities for spiritual resilience. In fact, gratitude is not really gratitude at all unless it is resilient in challenging times, stormy times. Unless it can withstand seemingly hopeless times, times of grief and loss. And that is why this week is the perfect week to talk about gratitude in our series on spiritual health and resilience. This has been a stormy week in our congregation, as we received the news that our dear church member, Ellie Cleveland, had passed from this life. Ellie, a lifelong member of our congregation: someone who showed interest in every person who came into her sphere, in her apartment building, in the church, in the garden club and beyond. Ellie, who nursed so many elders of this congregation, and the community around. Ellie who never stopped being a carer, to the point that when the hospice nurse and chaplain came to visit, she baked shortbread and made tea. And I admit it, I was the grateful recipient of Ellie’s shortbread and tea, too, when I visited her this past summer. She’d begin with the words “I really need a cup of tea … will you join me?” just to be sure I didn’t think that making tea was too much trouble. And then we’d sit at either end of the 6ft long counter top in her kitchen to take tea together: a sacrament. Ellie gone, in a week when our world stands on the precipice of falling apart at the seams. Democracy seems to be on the line. Our church building is deteriorating in spite of our best efforts. And the Stewards received the news that the hoped for redevelopment of our site is not possible. All this in the midst of a pandemic in which the infection rate is taking an alarming turn in this state and we most certainly should be preparing for a second surge. All this, and then Ellie is gone. And I really wonder, is gratitude even possible at a time such as this? It is rare that I have a glass half-empty read of a situation. This not my usual attitude. Typically I am inclined to be Pollyanna-ish: my glass half full to overflowing. But today I’m discouraged. Perhaps you are feeling that way too. This is a time when gratitude needs to meet the road, and we see if it can be more than “always looking on the bright side of life.” If gratitude was just a concept from pop-psychology or new age spirituality: fluff, as Ellie would say, I would give myself an excuse for not feeling it. And it turns out that “not feeling it” is OK. The thing that is not OK is building a fortress around discouragement, using this as an armor to avoid future disappointment. Protecting ourselves from feeling gratitude and hope, so that we won’t feel the let down on the other side. That is not an option for those of us who are seeking to follow the way of Jesus, says Paul. Gratitude in the midst of tenderness is what is called for. And so, this week I went on a quest to find ways to cultivate gratitude in the midst of it all. I began with “The Book of Joy”, a documented conversation between the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop Desmond Tutu written by Douglas Abrams. The two learned and spiritual men talk about the eight pillars of joy, one of which is gratitude. The chapter on this subject is entitled “Gratitude: I Am Fortunate to Be Alive.” The two elders exude gratitude, especially on the occasion of their meeting to celebrate of the Dalia Lama’s 80th birthday. Both have known deep suffering in their lives, individually and among their people. Still they model lives full of gratitude. They relish each moment of the day, from waking up to one more day of life, spending time in prayer, eating breakfast in world where many go hungry, and enjoying the company of others who come their way. Abrams quotes the Benedictine scholar, Brother David Steindl-Rast “It is not happiness that makes us grateful. It’s gratefulness that makes us happy.” The happiness of these two spiritual leaders shines throughout the book. [1] The Dalai Lama is able to live in gratitude even though he has been in exiled from his home in Tibet for many years. He is not grateful because he denies this reality, but because he accepts it. Abrams says “Gratitude means embracing reality. It means moving from counting your burdens to counting your blessings.” [2] Are we burdened or are we blessed? It depends on what we count. In our times of prayer and worship we are invited to lay down our burdens. This is what we do when we pray. We have much more room for counting blessings when our burdens put down. Another place I stopped in my quest for gratitude in tender times was Brené Brown’s book “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead.” I’m a little afraid that Ellie might consider this book to be “fluff”, but I’ll take the help where I can find it for now. Brown talks about three lessons she has learned “about joy and light from people who have spent time in sorrow and darkness.” The first lesson is: “Joy comes to us in ordinary moments.” Perhaps this is why Paul says give thanks in all circumstances. When over the past week have you experience joy in an ordinary moment? Maybe biting into a delicious snack, or savoring your morning coffee. For myself joy came when I took the time to eat a sandwich at Wollaston beach on the glorious day we had on Wednesday. Taking in the blue sky and sea, the harbor islands and the Boston skyline replenished my soul and reminded me that gratitude is still attainable. The second lesson of joy is to “Be Grateful for What You Have.” I was reminded this week that ministry can be joy-filled and hard all at the same time. Would we prefer not to have known Ellie, so that we wouldn’t have the pain of losing her? Of course not, we are grateful for the time we had with her. Would I give up this opportunity to be here with you, to avoid the hard times? No way. I am profoundly grateful for you all and what I have, being your pastor. The third lesson is “Don’t Squander Joy.” Brown reminds us that “we can’t prepare for tragedy and loss … when we turn every opportunity into a test drive for despair we actually diminish our resilience.” She goes on “Yes, softening into joy is uncomfortable. Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it’s vulnerable.” [3] Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it’s vulnerable. And so, with this guidance, I have become convinced that there is no reason to resist gratitude in tender times. Putting on the protective armor around our discouragement and tenderness only keeps out the joy. It doesn’t buy us anything. Risking gratitude buys us everything. I’m not singing “Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice!” with quite the gusto I sang in my youth, but I am still singing. Now Paul’s admonishment to the Thessalonian followers of Jesus sounds more like advice to “fake it till you make it.” Lift your voices in praise and prayer, sing the hymns as loudly as you can. Let your rejoicing chase away discouragement. This is how we can move toward gratitude in tender times. May all God’s people say, Amen [1] His High Holiness, the Dalai Lama, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and Douglas Abrams, The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World (New York: Avery Penguin Random House, 2016), 242 [2] Ibid., 243 [3] Brown, Brené. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (p. 127). Penguin Publishing Group. 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