Created for Relationship Preached on October 7th, 2018 At Wollaston Congregational Church Scripture: Mark 10:2-16 I have a confession to make this morning. I have a pet peeve when it comes to biblical interpretation. It’s one of those peeves that has me calling out the “message” that arrives in my inbox, or the sermon delivered by a TV evangelist. My hackles rise when someone takes part of the Bible out of context, especially if their interpretation is prefaced with the phrase: “the Bible says …”. The Bible says “the world was created in seven days and dinosaurs never existed.” The Bible says “women should not teach or exercise authority over men” … another woman minister and I were confronted with this one recently when we were speaking to a group of men. The Bible says “sex before marriage is a sin” And then there’s the Bible says “divorce is an abomination” and the Bible says “marriage is (only) between a man and a woman.” These last two “teachings” make their case using the gospel text we read today. So, let’s take a closer look. Jesus has been traveling around the countryside with the disciples for some time. He has been performing healing miracles and teaching what the kingdom of God is like. Now his journey has taken a turn toward Jerusalem. Jesus has warned the disciples several times that this is a journey toward suffering, death, and then resurrection. Today’s reading finds Jesus on the far side of the Jordan river, in John the Baptist’s territory. John had criticized King Herod for divorcing his wife, Phaseaelis, and unlawfully marrying Herodius, the wife of his brother. Herod threw John into prison, and later he was beheaded. This was done at the request of Herodius’s minor daughter, who had been summoned to dance provocatively for Herod. Context. Now, as crowds gather around Jesus to hear teaching, some religious leaders come with a question. These are the types of people who like to say “the Bible says this or “that.” They like to know that God is on their side. And they like to contemplate the terrible things that will happen to those who are on the other side. They ask Jesus "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" This is a test. They know that the Torah, in the book of Deuteronomy, allows for divorce, at least for a man against his wife. Perhaps they are wondering if Jesus has the same view as John the Baptist. Perhaps they hope to connect Jesus with John so that Herod will also have him imprisoned and beheaded. Context. First Jesus gets them to tell him what is in the law. Then he turns the question around on them. He moves from the religious leaders’ prescriptive style of teaching, to a descriptive mode. And he summons a much earlier, affirming text from the story of creation in the book of Genesis. He says: “… from the beginning of creation, 'God made them male and female … For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.'” “From the beginning of creation, God made them male and female” the man and the woman. God also made many other things: every animal and every plant, a great diversity of sea, land, and sky creatures. All flora and fawn. And of humanity, God made them male and female. There’s nothing to say that variations on this description are a problem. In this story there is only blessing, that all of creation was good. All of it. Next Jesus says that a man leaves his parents to be joined with his wife. Because this is what happens in a 1st century Palestinian marriage. The man leaves his parents’ home, where he has lived his whole life, and moves in with his in-laws. Then comes a more universal description: “And the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." Jesus describes God’s entering into the union of the married couple. Somehow, in marital intimacy, they have become something holy. Elaborating on the story of creation, Jesus is saying this is “good and blessed”, that their relationship is affirmed by God. He has moved beyond a description of a 1st century contractual marriage and into something quite timeless and wonderful. We do not hear how the religious leaders respond, but we don’t really need to know. We have enough to sit with, for today. This juxtaposition of the prescriptive “the Bible says …” and Jesus’ lovely description of holy relationship. And we could end right there. Only we know that this is not the end. There is more to talk about than this. We still have to deal with the reality of divorce. Historically, marriage in the church has been modeled on this passage and passages in scripture. The focus is often “what God has joined together, let no one separate.” And yet, we all know, divorce still happens. And perhaps we are left wondering why Jesus describes marriage in these terms. And why, later, when the disciples ask him about this, he is even more strict. He says that whoever divorces their spouse and remarries, commits adultery. And again, I say, context. First century Palestinian marriage favored the man. As the religious leaders rightly cited from the book of Deuteronomy, a man could divorce his wife simply because she was not pleasing to him. And this could leave her, and their children, destitute. A wife and her children had no legal recourse. Jesus speaks harshly about those who divorce, because it hurts the vulnerable. So, how are we to think about marriage and divorce in our, very different time and culture: in our context? - In our context, a woman’s family no longer provides a dowry for her husband. - In our context, many young adults live independently before they are married. - In our context, a couple does not usually move in with the in-laws, although it can happen. - In our context, a young girl is not espoused to man by her parents before she’s had the chance to meet other possible partners. - And, of course, in our very particular context – something few could have imagined in generations past – a man may marry a man, a woman may marry a woman. And some people know that they are neither all male nor all female, and still they are created for relationship. Jesus could not have anticipated these changes in culture. There is no reason why we’d expect him to know. There’s no reason why he would have to include these things in that one brief description of marriage for them to be acceptable. One thing that has not changed, though, is that humans fall in love with one another and wish to spend their lives together. What has not changed is that God created us to be in relationship. Relationship reflects God’s relationship and love for humanity. What has not changed is that some people do not marry, and still have different loving relationships with one another. And these relationships also reflect God’s love for humanity. God is love and anytime we love, God is in the midst. A second thing that has not changed is that relationships often do not work out. What Jesus calls “hardness of heart” applies universally to the human condition. Often it is the baggage of one partner’s past that causes a breakdown in relationship. We promise to remain together in sickness and health, but mental or physical illness may cause a marriage to fail. If one partner abuses the other, the victim may need to end the marriage for their own safety. And even though children often suffer in divorce, sometimes they will do better once their parents have separated. The United Church of Christ service book provides a liturgy for the end of a marriage. A marriage can be ended well, and the sadness can be recognized, if both partners are willing to acknowledge it. The duration of a marriage very often has to do with circumstances beyond the control of one of both of the partners. This is something my parents tried to acknowledge, just this August when they celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. It caused some consternation in the family! We celebrated the anniversary with a lunch party. The extended family arrived in their Sunday best: toddlers and children with their parents, grandparents and great-grands. Everyone wanted to hug and kiss my parents and say “congratulations.” And on an occasion like this, a member of the family will often give a speech and propose a toast. But, my parents had also told my brother and myself that they didn’t want “any of that.” Their thinking was that they had not done anything to deserve their long and happy marriage. It was all by the grace of God and they were simply thankful. They thought it was inappropriate to be congratulated on something they saw as a gift. They would be embarrassed by speeches that lifted up their virtues and ignored their failings. However, they did allow me to give a grace at the beginning of the meal and my brother to propose a brief toast at the end. Before praying the grace I did get a chance for a little speech. I told my parents, that like it or not, they had played their part in making it to that day. I asked them to humbly accept whatever we had to offer: congratulations, compliments and gifts. My brother book-ended the meal with a toast to warm every heart. He recalled a Tahitian practice of love and forgiveness: “I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me and thank you.” And that, in the end says it all. We honor our God, of relationship, every time we say “I love you” to another person of God’s good creation. We honor our God, when we say we are sorry to our loved one for our hardness of heart. We participate in God’s grace and mercy when we seek forgiveness. And, of course, we honor our God, of relationship, every time we say “thank you” to our loved ones and for our loved ones. So let all God’s married, single, divorced and widowed people say: Amen
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